still

aku terpejam mata langsung terkifirkan kau. aneh, setiap kali kau datang dalam ingatan bila mata aku tertutup hanya memori manis saja yang terkenang. aku teringat satu malam badan kau di atas badan aku. kau pandang aku dan aku pandang kau. we spoke love through our eyes. dua-dua tersenyum. we made love like the many nights before and after.

tangan aku merayau ke bawah. i touched myself exactly how you used to touch me. and when i was done the words came out of my mouth in a single breath. macam dulu. “i love you”. aku terdengar suara aku dan tiba-tiba aku menangis. kau tiada. dah lama kau tiada. tapi aku masih mencinta. and i miss you all the way to my bones. i let myself cry into my own curled up body for a while. and then i got up and saw you and her talking.

it made me feel sick in my stomach. sampai hati kau.

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